Living with Schizophrenia

Pam
3 min readJul 27, 2021
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Good evening and thank you for reading, If this image came up on your wall you’re in for a treat. I normally, don’t open up to people about my problem but since my case gets worse and worse I thought that, it would be best to open up about how I deal with my Scizophernia. Basically, It’s a disorder that a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation. I was diagnosed with when I was 14 years old. Since then I’ve been under treatment and been taking prescribed medications for the past 11 years. Now you’re probably thinking, “does it get better in due time?” In all honesty It don’t ever since I transitioned moving from California to Texas It’s been a huge transition and It’s just getting worse and worse. Being Schizophrenic Is not the best feeling in the world. It’s like when you hear people telling you commands that you don’t feel comfortable doing to just even getting used to new people.

What sucks the most is that, I got hospitalized last year in California due to my severe episode and I was on hold for almost 72 hours. Luckily, I got out the same night however, being in that room with the other patients of mental health scared me to death. On either side you hear people screaming, people begging to go home and always being constantly watched by the security guard. Even monitored phone calls. As the years went by, my mental health/state of mind has been a nightmare of me fighting my inner demons. Since my father is in his 3rd divorce from a woman who mentally abused me for the past 11 years she brought me down. I’d never thought that I, would be able to find love and luckily, my soon to be husband has been a huge part of my life. He continues to help me everyday and I can’t ever thank him enough for that.

As the nights go by I cry and wake up in the middle of the night from night terrors since my nightmares feel so realistic. If you or someone you know suffers from this mental disorder help is always available. The way that I cope with this particular edition is freelance writing. I write to escape the images of the horrific memories/events that I relive on a daily basis. Music also, helps me escape but writing is the best therapy. To everyone reading thank you and I hope that this article helps you. I just want everyone to know that yes there would be and going to be days where you may think that you’re not good enough however, just remember you are always enough in this world.

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Pam

Born and raised in sunny California. Online college Student. A songwriter at heart.